Going to college almost everyday,

Craving for home once again,

Feels like a routine now.

You know that it’s a routine,

When you’re able to sustain everything with just 3 to 4hrs of sleep.

When every morning you’re able to enter your hostel gate with just one tap now.

When you can directly walk into your lecture halls by simply following the lines.

When taking the initiative in things is no more an excitement to you,

When you’ve actually left your friends behind, far behind, where you don’t even talk anymore.

When you want to relive all those moments which are merely memories now.

When your homesickness never ends.

Harshita

When & And

When inspiration kicks you in the face,

And your affluent vocabulary simply refuses to flow

 

When your eyes are devoid of any emotion,

And your soul wanders aimlessly like a miserable minstrel.

 

When your migraine pulses like a predator hidden in the plains,

And your glasses insist on crossing the bridge called nose

 

When your neck is as stiff as stone from sitting still and typing away,

And your hands crave for the feel of writing with a pen once more.

 

When your well-oiled train of thoughts gain in rust,

And your face can’t stop twitching in hyperactive rebellion

 

When you feel a flu bug struggling to defeat your immunity to sickness,

And your heart is numb from muscles kept still too long.

 

When every single fibre of sound agitates your subconscious,

And the clock ticks, awaiting your friend’s impending arrival

 

This is what you do.

Varna

You feel devastated when you know what you feel but can’t express it.

All these butterfly like feelings stuck inside the small room of my heart,

Feelings of love and hatred, confusions and lies which rip me apart.

And these unsaid words make others feel unwelcome,

So, they prove that I’m dumb.

Little do they know my inability and tranquility.

I wish someday to say it all out,

I want these butterflies to get their flowers and shout.

Harshita

Her True Self

The stormy night stood unwavering

Bold and fearless with all its might

Harsh winds destroying everything in its path

Fear surrounding its arrival

People running to their shelters

Leaving the storm all alone to

Wreak havoc in its wake

But in their fear, the people failed to see her true self

Her center being calm as ever

She creates a force around herself

Her might rendered only to protect herself

Rendering the wrath of patient Mother Nature

The mother who is always calm

Until it hurt to a point, where she can’t hold back

Not without reminding her children to correct their path

To become more human and less like monsters

Stepping over others, devaluing people

She makes them kneel before her

To remind them that they are meniscal

Beneath her wrath, lies her love

But in her fear, the people fail to see her true self.

Anushka

The Glass Jar

Hiding her feelings, she puts on an emotionless face

Her joy, her love, her sorrows, her anger trapped in a glass jar she kept hidden

Afraid that if she shows her glass jar to the world

It will be broken again.

Her moments of happiness will be lost once again

Facing death at a young age

She stood alone, facing the worst of the world.

Just once, she said to herself, just once

“Let me let go, let love guide me”

Just today, a jar was given to her

Filled with the rhythm of warmth and comfort

Covered with the seal of love

Its beating glass giving her the protection she needed

But now, with love standing in front of her, will she recognize it?

Will she see it and take the helping hand held out to her?

Will she feel the love she once lost again?

Will she find her strength to show her glass jar?

Or will her fear trap her in?

Anushka

My Struggle with Myself

It is a struggle to stand in front of the mirror and say that I’m fine. It’s a struggle to smile even when I know it’s hurting me inside. It’s hard to contain my anger when someone does something in a way I dislike. It’s a struggle to accept that I don’t have control over what you do. It’s a struggle when someone tells me they love me or care for me. It’s a struggle when my emotions get the better of me and control every inch of my being. It’s a struggle to know that I’ll never be who I want to be. It’s a struggle when I see others happy and wonder what’s wrong with my life. It’s a struggle when someone asks me why am I so upset when I have everything in my life.

 

Lies. My eyes lie to you. My smile is a lie. My happiness is a lie.

I’m dead on the inside. There’s a black shadow that haunts me every night that tells me I don’t deserve my life. It tells me to give up on the things that I want, or aspire to be. It tells me that every single person around me is a cheater. It tells me that love and care is a deception. Even if they existed, I wasn’t deserving enough. It tells me to start counting my days because the end is near.

 

And it’s true. You can’t run away from the truth, can you?

How long will I keep lying to myself that everything will get better?

When there isn’t anything to gain,

When you know you’ve reached the end.

And I’m trying to lose it all, only to find myself.

 

If I could buy time, I’d fight all these struggles.

If only I could buy time.

I don’t know where I went wrong, but I know it’s not because of one mistake, one action, one decision.

There had to have been many; I was either too young to realise it or was too late to rectify it.

 

But all I know is that I’ve reached the end.

I’ve lied to myself all this while.

And I have regrets about so many things, but I don’t have enough time to repent for them.

A.D.

Red, like the colour of love

Red, like the first rays of the Sun;

Red, like the colour of blood;

 

You have a very special place in my life.

When I met you for the first time, it was very different from the others.

I told you that I wanted to say sorry to you even though I didn’t know who you were.

I had no compulsions but I wanted to do it anyway.

I never did things unplanned,

but with you, every moment is different.

I don’t need you, but I want to have you.

And for me, that is different.

I know I can exist without you, but I also know it’s 200 times better when it’s with you.

For the first time, I am leaning on to someone and I don’t feel like I am going to cling on to you.

That’s why I got scared the other day.
I realised that it was my past fears tearing me away.

I talk about my fears openly with you, and I know you can use them to hurt me.

But I’m still not afraid.

You could hurt me, and I would still stand there

You’re not a part of me, but you’re a part of my life.

That’s what you are, and that’s why I wouldn’t hurt you.

Because you made me find the love where freedom and independence existed, along with trust and belongingness.

So yes, I would die a million deaths, but I wouldn’t hurt you or let anyone hurt you.

 

Yours truly,

Black.

Ashmita