I’d Never Know…

I lost you when I was 9, and now, I’ll never know what it truly feels like to be loved. Whenever anyone came close, I pushed them away or hurt them tremendously because I could never forget what happened to you. That memory of you is etched on my mind like a permanent scar. On that date every year,  it’s painful; almost as if you were pulling strings of my heart. There is immense love there, but it hurts now. Is there a way to stop that pain? I know everyone has to leave someday but is it necessary to feel the pain for a lifetime? Will I ever, ever be happy without your memories? You should have taken your memories with you, shouldn’t you? Who would have known that what seemed to be the most naive yet most wonderful time of my life was soon to be followed by such tragedy? I’m sorry but your memories have become a curse for me now; it’s almost like, though you were the one who was gone, I am the one who died.

A.D.

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