I hate it when the nights come
because before I had you.
momentarily, I only have your memories
they don’t let me sleep
I was terrified of the dark
I still am,
I used to disappear behind you
now it’s your fantasies.
Your habits, clothes and your body.
I hate the midnight howls
they terrify me and give me chills
I used to listen to your lullaby over them
now, it’s just your repeated absurd videos
that I play incessantly.
I hate the lightning at midnights
they shake me internally
I used to burrow inside you and make love tremendously
now all I have is you portrayed in my mind
when I hear them frequently
I hate the downpours yet again
they recall my past
I confronted it with you once
wanted to tell you more
but you slept with utmost peace
before it was with someone else,
now it’s with you.
I hate the rules
because I was disciplined and used to follow them
now I break all the rules while I am awake all night.
What I didn’t hate was the moon
it was as luminous and pure as you
now it’s just your pictures that only seem like true you
and the stars,
everyone sees them shine, just like you
but now it’s just the dazzle that enlightens me up.
I used to search for your arm and reside in that,
for the warmth and comfort.
but now it’s just those commitments and promises.
how beautiful is this love
it makes us seem everything so differently and so divine?
sometimes, I think I don’t need a reciprocation
to love or hate someone, it shows us
what powerful emotions we have in this universe.
And yet, I hate my heart
it fell again
earlier for you,
now only for my respect.