I hate it

I hate it when the nights come

because before I had you.

momentarily, I only have your memories

they don’t let me sleep

I was terrified of the dark

I still am,

I used to disappear behind you

now it’s your fantasies.

Your habits, clothes and your body.

I hate the midnight howls

they terrify me and give me chills

I used to listen to your lullaby over them

now, it’s just your repeated absurd videos

that I play incessantly.

I hate the lightning at midnights

they shake me internally

I used to burrow inside you and make love tremendously

now all I have is you portrayed in my mind

when I hear them frequently

I hate the downpours yet again

they recall my past

I confronted it with you once

wanted to tell you more

but you slept with utmost peace

before it was with someone else,

now it’s with you.

I hate the rules

because I was disciplined and used to follow them

now I break all the rules while I am awake all night.

 

What I didn’t hate was the moon

it was as luminous and pure as you

now it’s just your pictures that only seem like true you

and the stars,

everyone sees them shine, just like you

but now it’s just the dazzle that enlightens me up.

I used to search for your arm and reside in that,

for the warmth and comfort.

but now it’s just those commitments and promises.

how beautiful is this love

it makes us seem everything so differently and so divine?

sometimes, I think I don’t need a reciprocation

to love or hate someone, it shows us

what powerful emotions we have in this universe.

 

And yet, I hate my heart

it fell again

earlier for you,

now only for my respect.

Shrasti